Welcome Letter

Dear Friend,

We are privileged to walk this journey of healing and grief with you. While our hearts grieve for the circumstances that bring you to this group, we rejoice that God has allowed us to be a part of the healing, redeeming work He longs to do in your heart over these coming months.

Perfect Joy Ministries is a safe refuge for you to be as open and honest as you can be about your infertility and/or loss. We want this to be a place where you have freedom to truly speak your heart regarding this pain. This freedom is often limited around others, especially those who have not experienced it, or have experienced it but have simply stuffed it down and moved on without full healing. Here at Perfect Joy, we want to be a place of comfort and refuge, as you work through the emotions surrounding your circumstances.

We have been through the journey of not knowing if the desire for biological babies would be a reality for us. This was due to a degenerative back for Holly and infertility for Melissa. The potential of never experiencing pregnancy and motherhood refined our souls, gave us new insight into our identity in Christ (versus our identity being found in motherhood), and took us into a deeper surrender and acceptance of His sovereign will.

Finally, God made a way for us to have those biological babies. However, we have lost eight of those babies, four each. Each loss has affected us in profound ways. Each loss took us deeper into our relationship with God, as we worked through the loss and grief.

This is our prayer for you–that this situation you find yourself in refines your soul, gives you new insight into what your true identity is, causes you to reach a surrender and acceptance to His will, and takes you deeper into your relationship with Him.

The two-fold desire of Perfect Joy Ministries is both fellowship with those in similar circumstances, as well as to help walk you beyond the consuming, life-limiting grief.

Ecclesiastes says there is a time for weeping and a time for rejoicing, a time for wounding and a time for healing. We seek God’s guidance in helping you through each of these seasons of your journey.

There is no defining line between grief and it “being all better.” There is no magic timeline, there is no sudden demarcation point where we can say, “the worst is now over”.

At the same time, there is the potential to linger in our grief, making it our identity and taking us from the purpose God intends for our life. Instead of grief becoming our identity, our identity needs to spring from who we are in Christ.  Instead of grief limiting our lives and keeping us from living the role God intended for us to live, we need to learn how to live despite the grief. To learn how to fulfill His purposes for us with a victorious and abundant life, as only He can give.

We long to help you work through the raw grief and walk with you into a place of healed grief. Not a place where it never hurts again, but a place where the grief is redeemed by God and finds purpose in bringing Him glory–whether that be in a deepened relationship with Him or reaching out and ministering with the comfort we ourselves have found in our own journey.

Perfect Joy Ministries does not have a goal of members having an indefinite stay within the group. We hope to give you the tools to heal so that you can then move into a restored life. We hope to encourage you, that while your loss is part of your story, and will also probably be your ministry, it is not your identity and does not consume your life.

It is our prayer that as you find healing in this group, you will also find that the day comes when you don’t need this group anymore on a weekly basis, but instead, your role here becomes a new one–that of mentor, walking alongside another sister in her grief journey.

We realize our grief is not the same as yours. Our stories are not identical to yours.

Some may feel that we can’t fully understand. A miscarriage or ruptured tubal is not the same as a baby lost in the womb in the 3rd trimester. . .or a stillbirth. . . or SIDS. . . or a horrific accident that claimed a young life.

On the other hand, others may feel they have no right to “grieve” because they may feel that an early miscarriage disqualifies them from full grief, given the other types of grief women in the group bear.

Each grief is exactly that. . . it’s own grief.

While the time involved in a full term pregnancy loss may carve a deeper wound in a heart than an early term miscarriage that involved less time of bonding carved, it is still a valid wound of loss.

We will never fully understand another’s grief. We may understand parts of it, but we can’t fully grasp all of it. We all carry our grief through our own personality and filter of life circumstances. And with that in mind, each grief, each loss, each circumstance will carry the same exact weight within this group.  We also believe that the same truth will set each of us free.

We have prayed for you, months before this group began. You are already a part of our hearts. Thank you for allowing us to be a part of your journey.

In His Service,

Holly M. Besser, Founder




Heather Chrysler, Director of Public Relations



Melissa Carswell MA, BCCC, Consultant for Biblical Studies and Counselling




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