But let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.
1 Peter 3:4
Even as young girls, we dreamed of a time when someone would call us “Mom.” As we entered our adult years, most of us found that this was still a dream. Various circumstances kept us from seeing this dream fulfilled. We anxiously awaited a day when “the stars would align” and we would finally become this unachievable individual.
And then, one day, after many tears, many heartbreaks, and many losses, we are Mom. This tiny being stares at us with huge eyes and climbs right into our heart. The world is finally just as it should be…or is it?
And then, reality. sets. in.
Somehow, all the years of aching and longing did not prepare us for the fact that being a Mom isn’t easy. It doesn’t just come naturally. It’s not a “walk in the park.” Being a mom is hard, really hard. Sometimes, it just plain stinks. And more often than not, we fail.
I prayed for seven years for my children. I cried and begged God for a baby. And then, I worked another six years to get three of them. I gave back four more. Seven pregnancies in six years. No pain, no gain, right? I just figured that being a Mom would be a joy – all the time. Not. I don’t cherish every single minute and sometimes, I even wonder what I was thinking.
I think that all moms struggle with feeling inadequate and insufficient. However, when you spend a good portion of your life yearning for something, you feel pretty guilty when you get it and then don’t always appreciate it, or when you feel that you have failed at making it successful.
- Here are a few truths to remember: God placed those children in your care for a reason. There is something that only you can teach them to prepare them for their future. Even your flaws will teach things that they need to make them into the adults that God wants them to be. Your handicaps and your inadequacies will give them compassion and understanding that they wouldn’t otherwise learn.
Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee. Jeremiah 1:5a
According as he hath chosen us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before him in love. Ephesians 1:4
And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; And patience, experience; and experience, hope. Romans 5:3-4
2. You are the only biological mom they will ever have, so you are the best one they could have. If you are the only one, it just stands to reason that you are the best. Stop comparing yourself to your children’s other mothers, who don’t exist, and don’t compare yourself to other children’s mothers either. You can only see their “outsides.” You have no idea what they might be dealing with on the “inside.” God sees your heart. He knows your struggles and your shortcomings. Look to Him to help you work on these areas.
Not that we dare to classify or compare ourselves with some of those who are commending themselves. But when they measure themselves by one another and compare themselves with one another, they are without understanding. 2 Corinthians 10:12
For he knows the secrets of the heart. Psalm 44:2b
Do not judge by appearances, but judge with right judgment. John 7:24
Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! Psalm 139:23
And he said to them, “You are those who justify yourselves before men, but God knows your hearts. For what is exalted among men is an abomination in the sight of God. Luke 16:15
If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. James 1:5
3. God will fill in the voids where you lack. You are human. God knows that we are not perfect. He doesn’t ask you to be perfect. He asks you to point your children to Him. You shouldn’t be their final role model anyhow. They should be looking to Christ to find fulfillment and satisfaction.
Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. Hebrews 12:1-2
Only take care, and keep your soul diligently, lest you forget the things that your eyes have seen, and lest they depart from your heart all the days of your life. Make them known to your children and your children’s children. Deuteronomy 4:9
You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. Deuteronomy 6:5-6
4. Being a mom is a role that you fill, not your identity. You may fail at times, but it doesn’t mean that you are a failure. It means that you are learning. We are all learning. You won’t stop learning until you leave this life. Take those mistakes as opportunities to share humility, repentance, and forgiveness with your children. They need to learn it too.
For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust. Psalm 103:14
Have mercy on me, O God, according to your steadfast love; according to your abundant mercy blot out my transgressions. Psalm 51:1
Mercy triumphs over judgment. James 2:13b
5. Be the best woman that you can be. (Proverbs 31) That is all that you must do. Look at Scripture and see what is required of a mother. I know that I spent years being guilty because I didn’t constantly want to play with my children. Low and behold, I learned that I wasn’t called to be their entertainer! What a relief! Also, Don’t spend time worrying about what others say or think. It truly doesn’t matter. You don’t answer to them. You only answer to God for how you care for your children.
For whenever our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and he knows everything. 1 John 3:20
Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men. Colossians 3:23
6. God will help you every. step. of. the. way. Just be YOU!
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Psalm 73:26
Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. Hebrews 4:16
Original material by Holly M Besser. Perfect Joy Ministries ©2015. May not be used or re-printed without permission. bsbp50p09-30-2015