Help My Unbelief

QUOTE: “it’s easier to be angry than to be vulnerable”

Yes. It is. I’ve been there.

It is easier to fall into the default emotions of anger and bitterness and feelings of betrayal and like this is all a cruel game, than it is to choose to trust there is more happening than we can see, to all these tragedies.

Here is my question though. What are you gaining to fall into the hate and anger and bitterness?

Ease yes. But what is that ease bringing you? Peace? Joy? Understanding?

What is easiest, is not necessarily what is healing. What is easiest, is often what wounds us deeper and makes our loss greater.

I sit here and I wonder how I can put into words how I moved from this place, where I literally SPAT at my Biblical counselor, “You tell me. . . tell me! Why the **** would I choose to trust a God who let the things that have happened to me, happen, without intervening on my behalf.”

How do I bridge the gap between your pain, Ladies and my own peace? I know what both sides are to be in. So much of my journey was done by His grace and with the Spirit’s enabling. I could not choose trust on my own. I simply. could. not.

But the Holy Spirit lives in me because I have trusted in Jesus as my Redeemer and Savior. I know what I am without His redemption, given on the cross for all my ugliness. And the Bible promises me, that when my earthly mind doesn’t get it, the Spirit who lives in me does. I have to fall on HIS understanding when my own fails me. His understanding of sin’s curse on this world and how it affects us. His understanding of the Father’s heart when I can’t seem to see it. His understanding of all this is not all there is—there is eternity waiting for us and somehow, someway, this pain, the tragedy, this horror, will all be redeemed. Redeemed for those who have put their trust in Jesus, the Savior and Redeemer of this sin-filled, pain-filled world.

But I cannot do it alone. I must have Him carry me there. Some days, all I can cry out is, “I don’t trust. And I don’t even want to trust. But I want to want to trust You! Show me! Show me with spiritual understanding where my human, limited understanding has blinded me. Give me a glimpse so that I can see and begin to trust!”

And He does. He so faithfully does.

None of this makes sense earth-side. None of it.

I read the Bible; however, and I believe that it WILL make sense in eternity – in light of His sovereign, holy, righteous love.

I believe because I know what happens when I don’t believe. It is as I asked earlier. What does the default easy response of MIStrust gain you? For me it gained a never-ending spiral of hate and anger and despair and mental agony and eventually, even mental illness. It was the easier way—but it destroyed me in the end.

Faith was the harder way. The heart-breaking, staggering way. And yet, it was the way that freed me. The more you choose to believe, the more faith grows. But again, you can’t believe on your own. You have to believe with the Holy Spirit’s enabling inside of you. He sees what we cannot. He understands what we do not. So we cast our own thoughts and opinions aside and we claim His truth instead. His truth He ministers in the Word of God and His truth He speaks to our hearts (and note, what he speaks, will ALWAYS line up with Biblical truth, not our own version of “truth”)

We have hope, not based on what we think should happen or what we wish would happen, but based on the promises of God’s Word, that were written with the Redemptive Cross as the backdrop and Redemptive eternity as the future. So much of the question “why” hinges around:

The WHY of the cross and the resurrection and the hope of eternity and God’s redemption of this world and our broken hearts.  Until we can grasp our DIRE need for the Cross and the gift that God gave us through Jesus horrific death for our sin, the power of the hope of the resurrection, the beyond-comprehension-promise of eternity, and that:

I Corinthians 2:9-16 – But, as it is written, “What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love him”— these things God has revealed to us through the Spirit. For the Spirit searches everything, even the depths of God. For who knows a person’s thoughts except the spirit of that person, which is in him? So also no one comprehends the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God. Now we have received not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, that we might understand the things freely given us by God. And we impart this in words not taught by human wisdom but taught by the Spirit, interpreting spiritual truths to those who are spiritual.

 The natural person does not accept the things of the Spirit of God, for they are folly to him, and he is not able to understand them because they are spiritually discerned. The spiritual person judges all things, but is himself to be judged by no one. “For who has understood the mind of the Lord so as to instruct him?” But we have the mind of Christ.”

Original material by Melissa J. Carswell, MA BCCC. Perfect Joy Ministries ©2014. May not be used or re-printed without permission. bsbp48p02-10-15

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