By this my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit and so prove to be my disciples.
As I stood in front of the mirror, getting ready for the day ahead, I felt the stabbing pains again – in my abdomen and in my heart. My initial response was to ask God to be glorified in my life. I asked Him to do what was necessary to bring glory to His name, and begged for grace at the same time. As I continued to think about that prayer, I began to consider the price of glory. Rarely does glory come without a cost – usually, a high cost.
Last week was a difficult week. Due to chronic and irreversible health issues, I had to make the choice to have a tubal. I tried not to dwell on it much. Oh, how my mommy’s-heart aches for additional mini-me’s. Both my husband and I would have liked to have more children, so this was a hard decision. I made this decision when I was two months pregnant with my, now, 9 month old daughter. According to many doctors, surgeons and specialists, I shouldn’t have put my body through even one pregnancy, and I had seven. It was time to stop. I can feel the negative effects of it on my body. I paid a price for the three children that I have on this earth and also for the four in heaven, but it was worth it.
In today’s society, having more than two children is considered ludicrous…okay, maybe three, but that’s really pushing it. Once you have more than one, “you have your hands full,” and “you are one busy lady!” Yes, not every second of every day is a Kodak moment and being a mom is one of the hardest jobs on earth, but I have yet to discover a more fulfilling and rewarding role on this earth. So many women have empty arms and aching hearts, longing for a child they can hold and snuggle close. I have three to hold. I know what a wonderful and precious gift that I have been given. I also cherish the four that I have in heaven, and thank God for the opportunity to be their mom. God chose me. Seven times. I am blessed.
As I began to think about God’s desire to be glorified through me, I began to look back at the times He has so, in the past. I see relationships restored, cancer cured, healthy children sleeping peacefully across the hall, new outreaches built, new friendships formed, a wonderful marriage, etc, etc, etc. God living out His glory through my life in amazing and unexplainable ways. But, oh, the cost of those things… I see years of silence between family members, difficult surgeries, the death of dearly loved and much-desired children, challenging pregnancies, debilitating pain, heartache, abandonment by close friends, years of anger and resentment towards a spouse, etc, etc, etc.
Sitting in the waiting room for blood work, watching the ladies walking in and out with various sized baby-bellies, knowing that it would never be me again. Laying in the “holding room,” while waiting to go into the O.R., remembering the times I was there to mourn the loss of a child, who was soon to be removed and disposed of, as though they never existed. Waking up to find that the procedure I had so dreaded, didn’t even work. Then, as I sit here typing, that stabbing pain hitting my abdomen and my heart again and again, knowing there is more to come. The price has not been paid in full yet.
Life is hard. (https://perfectjoyministries.wordpress.com/2014/05/18/life-is-hard/) Joy is a choice. Glory comes at a price. The harder the battle, the greater the victory. Do not underestimate what God is doing. It is during those painful, heartbreaking, frustrating times that the glory is being fashioned. The rough edges are being refined, and the redemption is imminent. Don’t quit. Don’t falter. Don’t be weary. Speak truth to your heart. Press on. Pay the price. Go for the glory!
To this end we always pray for you, that our God may make you worthy of his calling and may fulfill every resolve for good and every work of faith by his power, so that the name of our Lord Jesus may be glorified in you, and you in him, according to the grace of our God and the Lord Jesus Christ.2 Thessalonians 1:11-12
Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ’s sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed. 16 Yet if anyone suffers as a Christian, let him not be ashamed, but let him glorify God in that name. Therefore let those who suffer according to God’s will entrust their souls to a faithful Creator while doing good. I Peter 4:12-13, 16, 19
Original material by Holly M. Besser, ©2014. May not be used or re-printed without permission. bp57p06-02-14