Stage 2 – Pain and Guilt

The Seven Stages of Grief:

Pain is a crazy thing.  Pain can make you do crazy things, and the fear of pain can make you do crazy things.

  1. Physical pain – infertility treatments or recovery from a miscarriage or pregnancy resulting in stillbirth is difficult.  When our bodies hurt, it is often difficult to carry out normal daily tasks.  This pain is often exacerbated by the inability to see our desires fulfilled or by a loss of a child, who was meant to fulfill that desire.  Even when you do not have reason for physical pain, it seems that mental pain often causes physical pain.

A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.  – Proverbs 17:22

2.  Emotional pain – we all know the feeling of emotional pain.  This can display itself in many different ways, but if not dealt with, it can destroy our lives.

Along with the pain, guilt will often play into our grief as well.

1.  The guilt of what we have done or have not done in order to create this situation.

“If only I had taken better care of my body. . . “ “If only I had noticed sooner. . . “ “If only I had. . . “ “If only I hadn’t. . . . “

       2.  The guilt of the consequences that may occur because of this situation.

“Will I look unspiritual, if I grieve?” “Will people think I am a bad person?” “Will people think it is my fault?” “Will I be able to try again, or will this destroy me?”

A Biblical Response:

Some will tell us that if we just pray more, believe more, and read the Bible more, we won’t hurt. This simply is not true. Jesus Himself is our example in the Garden of Gethsemane. So great was His agony that he sweat great drops of blood. He also cried out with cries that must have broken our Father’s heart, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” (Mark 15:34) If our Savior, who was God, at the same time he was man, experienced such anguish, even when so closely knit to His Heavenly Father, then it only goes to say we as humans will experience anguish that rips apart our souls.

In regards to guilt–feeling as if we should have done something differently–guilt is not from God. Conviction is from God, the purpose of which is repentance and restoration from the bondage of sin. But guilt that tears at us with blame and condemnation is not.

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.  – Romans 8:1

For whenever our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and he knows everything.  – 1 John 3:20

As for guilt due to the consequences, we need to remember to keep looking UP, and avoid looking AROUND.

Not that we dare to classify or compare ourselves with some of those who are commending themselves.

But when they measure themselves by one another and compare themselves with one another, they are without understanding. 

2 Corinthians 10:12

Original material by Melissa J Carswell, MA, BCCC. Holly M Besser. Perfect Joy Ministries ©2012. May not be used or re-printed without permission. bsbp003p08-30-12

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