My heart is heavy as I type this. Yes, I am heartbroken for all the Mommies with empty arms. Yes, I am hurting for all the grieving women, feeling lost and confused, not knowing what should come next. Yes, I am sad to know that the world that we live in does not understand nor can it possibly comprehend the depth of a sorrowing heart at the loss of a child – whether that child was 30 years old or only 30 days old. Yes, I am disappointed that after experiencing the loss of a pregnancy, a woman will never again be able to fully enjoy carrying another child. However, the heaviness of my heart is not due to these things.
I have spent the last several years listening to stories – many, many stories – of loss and heartbreak. Not one story is the same. Some have lost little ones only hours after being informed of their existence. Others have lost little ones hours after delivering them into this world. Everyone’s story falls somewhere in and around each other, but never do they actually touch. Each woman’s story is unique to her life and her experience. No one can understand in full what she is feeling. Grief has no mold, no pre-determined path, no definite end.
However, what truly pains my heart is not the stories themselves. It is the way that we bring additional pain, grief, heartache, sorrow, and misery upon ourselves. We question God and ourselves. We allow other’s thoughts, opinions, and comments to break our hearts all over again. We spend our days in endless thoughts of “…supposed to be…” and “wishing for…” and “why me?” and “what if?” We gaze longingly at those who have what we think we want or need or even deserve, and we torture ourselves with jealous desire. We allow guilt and fear to control us. We are missing the beautiful and wonderful gift of “NOW.”
All these things and more are robbing us of the joy and peace that we can experience in the midst of this pain and grief. We don’t have to wait until we “get through this trial,” before we can be thankful for it. I am convinced that this is not living the victorious Christian life that God wants for us. How many of the amazing people in the Bible lived lives of constant tribulation and trials? Moses? Joseph? Daniel? David? Paul? Paul? John? The list is endless. If these heroes of the faith waited for a time of happiness and abundance to find peace and joy, they would have given up.
What is the answer? Sovereignty. Period. God is in control – ALL THE TIME. We cannot trust Him in the good times and question Him in the difficult. His ways are perfect. Think of it this way: Would you rather have the peace of God or the God of peace? We can hunt for peace all day long, as we wade through the other things that are bogging us down, or we can turn our eyes upon the founder and finisher of our faith. If we KNOW the God of peace, we will have the peace of God. I could list hundreds of verses for these principles, but if you will take the time to seek them out, you will grow. You will grow in faith and in knowledge of God. You will gain His peace and you will find true freedom. The truth will set you free!
Last week, on Easter Sunday, I drove by myself with my two boys, ages 2 and 5, to South Carolina. It was about a 12 hour trip. On the way, I somehow blew out a plug in a tire, and it went flat – fast. That was a royal pain! It took watching several complete strangers spend two hours trying to remove and replace my giant SUV tire, while my little guys completely destroyed the interior of my vehicle. It was humbling and frustrating, all at the same time. When I finally got back on the road, my original route was closed down, and I had to find another way. The next day, I found out that at the exact time I would have entered that desired highway, fog had blown in unexpectedly and caused a 95-car pile-up. Many were injured or killed. I, on the other hand, had my life and lives of my little boys, all for the low price of $250 for a new tire and a broken sensor. (The manager of the tire store told us that blowing out a plug is extremely unusual.) I saw the sovereignty of God in action! Sometimes, the bumps and holes that we see in our lives are actually providential detours. God truly wants the very best for us.
Trust in the sovereignty of your Heavenly Father. Rest in His love. Find freedom for your hurting heart.
Please, see https://perfectjoyministries.wordpress.com/2012/09/25/surrender-in-the-details/ for more on surrendering a pregnancy to God
Please, see https://perfectjoyministries.wordpress.com/?s=guilty+as+charged for more information on dealing with guilt during pregnancy
Please, see https://perfectjoyministries.wordpress.com/?s=done for more information on trying to get pregnant after loss
Please, see https://perfectjoyministries.wordpress.com/2013/03/29/lessons-from-my-seven-pregnancies/ for more on dealing with the fears of another pregnancy
Original material by Holly M. Besser, ©2013. May not be used or re-printed without permission. bp04-14-13