While some don’t want the hard, cold fact, others of us do. We do better with painful reality than we do with unknowns. It’s our personality. We can work with data, even worst-case data, but having to wait and not know? That is torture. Sheer torture.
There is little that can be done with the unknown. There is no action plan, because what plan exactly, is needed? How can one be created when we don’t even know of the situation we’re dealing with yet.
There is no closure because we aren’t sure what the end story will be.
With infertility, will we ever have a baby, or is our future to never, ever experience a pregnancy. If I knew which, I would either hold out hope until it happens, or I would begin the grieving and healing process now.
Is this pregnancy a healthy one or one that I’m going to lose? If I could know, I would know how to view it today. I would protect my heart from being utterly ecstatic, or I would allow myself to fall into the ecstasy.
Will our baby die immediately at birth or will our child live? And if life is granted, for how long? Minutes, hours, days, or years? If I could just know how long I would have, then I could prepare for that moment of goodbye, rather than hold my breath, waiting for it to possibly come at any moment.
When the only known is the unknown we have to hold on to that which we do know. We, as Believers know:
1. God is good. He is righteous. There is no fault with Him, even when life seems to state otherwise.
But the Lord of hosts is exalted in justice, and the Holy God shows himself holy in righteousness. Isaiah 5:16
2. We live in a fallen world. Sin reigns. The results of sin are heartbreaks. But God has overcome the world.
I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world. John 16:33
3. Nothing is without purpose. God is a God of redemption. If the redemption is not seen here, we may be given the vision of it in eternity.
The Lord has made everything for its purpose, even the wicked for the day of trouble. Proverbs 16:4
4. If even in eternity, the purpose is withheld from us, we will no longer care. We will be before a Holy God and our only thought will be His holiness and how worth He is of honor, and glory, and power, and praise.
In the year that King Uzziah died I saw the Lord sitting upon a throne, high and lifted up; and the train of his robe filled the temple. Above him stood the seraphim. Each had six wings: with two he covered his face, and with two he covered his feet, and with two he flew. And one called to another and said: “Holy, holy, holy is the Lord of hosts; the whole earth is full of his glory!” And the foundations of the thresholds shook at the voice of him who called, and the house was filled with smoke. And I said: “Woe is me! For I am lost; for I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips; for my eyes have seen the King, the Lord of hosts!” Isaiah 6:1-5
5. The goal of our lives is to bring glory to God and to become more like His Son. This is best accomplished through difficulties and trials.
Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. James 1:2-3
In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. I Peter 1:6-7
6. Often, God wants us to be still and allow Him to work.
Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him… Psalm 37:7a (see entire chapter)
7. God knows the unknown. He is sovereign. This can cause us to fear or to resent Him, or this can grant a sweet peace. When we don’t know, He does. He knows and it is part of the “days written for us before time”
Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them. Psalm 139:16 (see entire chapter)
There are some action steps we can take while we are waiting on the revelation of facts that will give us a human action plan to follow.
1. Establish your identity in Christ alone. Your identity is not found in being a wife or in motherhood. Being a wife and a being a mother are just roles that you perform.
But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith— that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you. Only let us hold true to what we have attained. Philippians 3:7-16
2. Allow God to grow you. Often, God wants to prepare us before He gives us a role to perform. Just like desiring a husband didn’t make you an incredible wife, desiring a child will not make you an amazing mother. If you want to be a great mother, you don’t have to wait until you have children. Work now at becoming the mom that you want to be someday.
Trust in the Lord, and do good; dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness. Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act. He will bring forth your righteousness as the light, and your justice as the noonday. Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him. Psalm 37:3-7a
3. Give in to God’s best. We need to be willing to give up what we think is best, for God’s best. This requires a willingness to sacrifice our dreams and desires for the future on the altar of obedience. It is not an easy thing to do; However, God never requires us to give something to Him that He didn’t first give to us. Read the story of Abraham’s willingness to sacrifice his only son in obedience to God. (Genesis 22) His faith is amazing!
He said, “Do not lay your hand on the boy or do anything to him, for now I know that you fear God, seeing you have not withheld your son, your only son, from me.” And Abraham lifted up his eyes and looked, and behold, behind him was a ram, caught in a thicket by his horns. And Abraham went and took the ram and offered it up as a burnt offering instead of his son. So Abraham called the name of that place, “The Lord will provide”; as it is said to this day, “On the mount of the Lord it shall be provided.” Genesis 22:12-14
If there were an easier, better, or more painless way for God to accomplish His will in your life, He would certainly do it! Trust this and find joy in the waiting.
Original material by Melissa J Carswell, MA, BCCC. Holly M Besser. Perfect Joy Ministries ©2013. May not be used or re-printed without permission. bsbp26p02-21-13