Another Bible study “should” be getting written. I’m falling a bit behind on them. At least it gives Holly a chance to catch up on the editing. 😉
However, the past few days, every time I go to work on one, my heart spills out into more personal heart-to-heart thoughts and so, I wanted to hand them to you with the written word before I progress into one more study.
So many of your stories have poured in to us. So many heartbreaks. So many tears.
Another story does not dull the heart-break factor though it could seem that may happen to us as we read them all.
There is no getting used to the sadness of infertility and loss. There is no numbing to it.
“How much can your daughters take?” my heart often cries, when reading the emails. “It sure seems like too much grief for one heart to bear.”
Reflecting back on my own losses and even entire life, of difficult and painful circumstances I realize again, just how much a heart can bear. Because our God and Father comes alongside and bears it with us. Then, He redeems it. This redemption begins in the human, earthly realm, it completes in the spiritual, heavenly, eternal realm.
Therein lies our hope. That there is more than can be seen and the purpose extends into more than we can possibly comprehend until seen with heavenly vision.
So much unseen. So much not yet understood. And so much that can only be taken by faith.
When this faith is too weak on it’s own, I cry out for Him to grant it to me. Like the man who cried out, “Lord, help my unbelief!” I too plead for a faith that I cannot grasp on my own.
He answers. Another strand of believing is woven into my soul.
I believe that God loves me. I believe that He longs for His best for my life.
I believe that even tragedy will be turned to purpose in the hands of this loving God I believe in.
I believe that not all that is and that exists, is here on earth. The other part of my life is heavenly and will be realized eventually. I believe when it is, it will all make sense–even the devastating.
I believe I will fall at His feet in humbled and awed wonder at how He took the broken pieces of my heart and wove an eternal part of the story with His redemption.
I believe my children are in heaven and are not truly “lost”. I believe I will hold them someday. I believe that I will absolutely thrill at the purpose they were called to, from my womb to the wonders of heaven. I believe that while I miss them now, I will rejoice they were called home long before I was and had more time in the presence of Jehovah and His perfect glory.
I believe God, who gave His Son to the horror of the cross for my redemption, weeps with me—and with us—in understanding of our human hearts when we cry out for our little ones. I believe, that although He has a perspective we can’t comprehend, He has not forgotten that we are human and frail and as dust and that remembrance of our fraility, is what brings His tears. Just as with Lazarus when he died and “Jesus wept”, I believe He does not weep for the tragedy of it as we understand it, but for our inability to see because of the veil of this earthly life that, for now, hides the eternal perspective.
I believe God is good, even when horrible and tragic and devastating happens. I believe this because the Bible tells me so. I believe it because He did not spare His own Son a horrific death for my sin-ridden life. A God who gives His son to that for my salvation is good and loving beyond all comprehension.
I believe God can bring purpose out of the heartache here. That while all will be understood in heaven, He allows glimpses here, even with our limited understanding, of the beauty that He is unfolding in the epic story of eternity. I believe that sometimes He allows the veil to be pulled back for the briefest of seconds and we find a knowing that it’s going to be ok, because He is I am and nothing is out of His control, purpose, or sovereign love.
I believe each of you are some of the most beautiful, courageous women I have ever met. For you keep on keeping on, even though your hearts are in pieces and you don’t get they “Why?” Even though you can barely breathe some days. Even though you have to fall to your knees in sobs some moments before you can go on to the next. Even though you struggle through anger and grief and confusion and anger again and then even deeper grief that gives you cause to think your physical heart may stop beating.
No, not “even though”.
Because you are broken and grieving, you are beautiful and courageous. For you still love and you don’t turn off your heart in numbness. You allow the grief to come, rather than drown it out in all those things that could deaden your emotions. Because you work through it. Because you write it and tell it and you keep turning your face to The One that you don’t understand and you have so many questions for, and yet, you realize that without Him you are lost so even when it doesn’t make sense, you keep clinging to, for He is your life.
I believe He is your breath when you can barely take another one. I believe He is the balm for your soul that is raw with grief. I believe He loves you even though for some, right now, everything seems to scream otherwise. I believe He has a purpose and He will not only work it out for His glory but for your beauty, revealed in the eternal part of your story in heaven.
This, I believe.