Greener Grass

“The grass is always greener on the other side.”

We have all felt this way at one time or another. Otherwise, this phrase wouldn’t be a cliché. Sometimes it’s hard to be content to sit on our little patch of earth, when everywhere we look, things look so much better. Well, I’d like to share something with you that changed my perspective and, ultimately, my grass too.

What makes greener grass?

  1. The foundation. The base that the grass is growing in has to be ideal.

a. Free from rocks and other debris.

Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. Psalm 139:23-24(kjv)

           b. Rich, fertilized soil. Properly balanced soil needs to be tested and then, proper elements added to make the perfect environment.

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. Romans 12:2

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. James 1:2-4

            c. In a prime location.

“A sower went out to sow his seed. And as he sowed, some fell along the path and was trampled underfoot, and the birds of the air devoured it. And some fell on the rock, and as it grew up, it withered away, because it had no moisture. And some fell among thorns, and the thorns grew up with it and choked it. And some fell into good soil and grew and yielded a hundredfold.” And when his disciples asked him what this parable meant, he said…Now the parable is this: The seed is the word of God. The ones along the path are those who have heard; then the devil comes and takes away the word from their hearts, so that they may not believe and be saved. And the ones on the rock are those who, when they hear the word, receive it with joy. But these have no root; they believe for a while, and in time of testing fall away. And as for what fell among the thorns, they are those who hear, but as they go on their way they are choked by the cares and riches and pleasures of life, and their fruit does not mature. As for that in the good soil, they are those who, hearing the word, hold it fast in an honest and good heart, and bear fruit with patience. Luke 8:4-15

 2. The proper care. You can’t just drop the seed, you have to apply the appropriate components to make it grow.

a. Sun/Son – Salvation is the most important element.

“If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” Jesus answered them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, everyone who practices sin is a slave to sin…So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed. John 8:31-36

                  b. Water

Whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life. John 4:14

On the last day of the feast, the great day, Jesus stood up and cried out, “If anyone thirsts, let him come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, ‘Out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.’” John 7:37-38

                  c. Protection

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you. Psalm 32:8

Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety. Proverbs 11:14

                  d. Additional fertilizer

I have stored up your word in my heart that I might not sin against you. Psalm 119:11

All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work. 2 Timothy 3:16-17

For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age, waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ. Titus 2:11-13

                  e. Time

Better is the end of a thing than its beginning, and the patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit. Ecclesiastes 7:8

But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience. Romans 8:25

Be patient, therefore, brothers, until the coming of the Lord. See how the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth, being patient about it, until it receives the early and the late rains. James 5:7

But according to his promise we are waiting for new heavens and a new earth in which righteousness dwells. 2 Peter 3:13

Some say that the grass is always greener over the septic tank…either way, it takes hard work, patience, and often, a bit of difficulty to create the perfect lawn. Instead of dwelling on your neighbor’s patch of grass, take some time to work on your own. Remember, if you aren’t content right now, you never will be.

Original material by Holly M. Besser, ©2016. May not be used or re-printed without permission. bp7002-07-16

Let there be Joy!

I have been concentrating on the word “joy” lately. I’m trying to teach my children to find joy in the little things, the difficult things, and the not-so-nice things. It is a hard habit to learn, but I am convinced it will pay off. My husband once told me that if I wasn’t content right now, I never would be. He was right. We must learn to carpe diem, “seize the day,” or better yet, find joy in the moment. Life is full of disappointments. If we don’t learn to look for joy, it probably won’t find us by accident.

Christmas is a very difficult time of year. There are family gatherings that inevitably end in hurt feelings due to thoughtless comments and idle words that seem to cut to our very soul. There is talk of babies and children everywhere. We sit in church and pictures of a baby Jesus are flashed on the screen and hung on the walls. Yes, we understand the meaning of Christmas, but the “baby thing” just seems to scream at us above everything else.

Mary truly had a perfect pregnancy. She had assurance that no matter what, this baby was going to be born – safe and healthy. What a gift! If there is one thing that I have learned from having lost four children, it is that no pregnancy is a guarantee. It doesn’t matter what you do or how hard you try, you have very little control over the end result. Mary didn’t have to worry about that at all. Baby Jesus was a sure thing.

Mary just had a “few” other issues to worry about, such as everyone thinking that she had been unfaithful to Joseph (which was punishable by death), the fact that she would have to ride about 80 miles on the back of a donkey at nine months pregnant (which would take about a week), having to deliver her baby alone in a cattle barn (do you remember how physically awful the days following a birth can be?), and having to flee to a foreign country with a young toddler because the King himself wanted her child dead!(Could you imagine having to be responsible to protect the Son of God?)

Mary had the very thing that I would have loved to have – just once – a guaranteed pregnancy, and yet, I’m not sure that Mary had a whole lot to find joy in. However, she did! Even in the midst of uncomfortable and chaotic circumstances, she still found a way to have joy. How?

Before Jesus birth:

46 And Mary said, My soul doth magnify the Lord, 47 And my spirit hath rejoiced in God my Saviour. 48 For he hath regarded the low estate of his handmaiden: for, behold, from henceforth all generations shall call me blessed. 49 For he that is mighty hath done to me great things; and holy is his name. 50 And his mercy is on them that fear him from generation to generation. 51 He hath shewed strength with his arm; he hath scattered the proud in the imagination of their hearts. 52 He hath put down the mighty from their seats, and exalted them of low degree. 53 He hath filled the hungry with good things; and the rich he hath sent empty away. 54 He hath helped his servant Israel, in remembrance of his mercy; 55 As he spake to our fathers, to Abraham, and to his seed for ever. Luke 1:46-55

 

…and after Jesus birth:

But Mary treasured up all these things, pondering them in her heart. Luke 2:19

I think that if we took a moment to think about it, we would be able to find that joy, even in the worst of circumstances. Scripture tells us that one of the natural results of being a child of God is joy.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance. Galatians 5:22-23a

Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fulness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore. Psalm 16:11

Also, look at Who is responsible to provide the joy. We just need to ask!

Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit. Psalm 51:12

For God giveth to a man that is good in his sight wisdom, and knowledge, and joy. Ecclesiastes 2:26a

If ye abide in me, and my words abide in you, ye shall ask what ye will, and it shall be done unto you. Herein is my Father glorified, that ye bear much fruit; so shall ye be my disciples. As the Father hath loved me, so have I loved you: continue ye in my love. If ye keep my commandments, ye shall abide in my love; even as I have kept my Father’s commandments, and abide in his love. These things have I spoken unto you, that my joy might remain in you, and that your joy might be full. John 15:7-11

Hitherto have ye asked nothing in my name: ask, and ye shall receive, that your joy may be full. John 16:24

And now come I to thee; and these things I speak in the world, that they might have my joy fulfilled in themselves. John 17:13

Thou hast made known to me the ways of life; thou shalt make me full of joy with thy countenance. Acts 2:28

So, I’m not sure where you are at right now. Maybe life just isn’t working out the way that you think that it should. Maybe you are having trouble finding joy in your current circumstances. Let me challenge you to begin to ask God to restore joy to your soul, and keep asking until you see the joy of the Lord return to your life. It’s simple. You just have to do it. Don’t let the devil steal this gift that God has promised to you. God desires you to live victoriously! Now, go and do the next right thing!

Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost. Romans 15:13

Original material by Holly M. Besser, ©2015. May not be used or re-printed without permission. bp6912-31-15

 

What is in a Tear?

You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book?

Psalm 56:8

Tears are the punctuation on the happenings in our lives. When something traumatic happens, we cry tears of fear. When something sad happens, we cry tears of heartbreak. When something thrilling happens, we cry tears of joy. God created this wonderful ability for us to release the emotions that accompany so much of what we experience in this life.

My first pregnancy was amazing. We had waited and prayed for seven years for a child. I enjoyed every single minute. It never even crossed my mind that something could take it all away. Eight years later and seven pregnancies later, my perspective has changed. God has asked for four of my seven children back.

  1. God never asks for anything from you that He doesn’t give to you first. Everything that you have is a blessing from God. We do not deserve anything. If life was “fair,” we would all be facing eternal punishment and separation from God. God is a good and perfect Father. He longs to give us good things. He wants the very best for us. If He asks us to return one of His gifts, we must trust that there is a reason for it. We must hold onto His gifts with open hands.

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above. James 1:17a

 If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him! Matthew 7:11

 For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus. Romans 3:23-24

  1. We must remember that this life is only a preparation for the life that is to come. Everything in this life is fleeting, including life itself. As humans, we are often spiritually short-sighted. We want happiness and fulfillment in this world, and when we don’t feel happy, we feel that God has somehow failed us. When in reality, we need to be seeking the joy of the Lord.

“Happiness is most often associated with our circumstances or experiences. Happiness comes when everything is going “right” in our world. Happiness is not a bad thing, but it must be understood that it is fleeting – it will come and go without notice. Joy, on the other hand, is based on truth – on a belief system. Instead of needing a “state of well-being,” that happiness requires, it calls for a “sense of well-being.” The difference is not in the circumstance, but in the state of mind. It’s not having everything that you want and desire, rather, it is wanting and desiring what you already have and being content with that. It is holding out hope that God’s promises are sure and that everything will work out for our good and for God’s glory. It is knowing that every circumstance and experience in our life is designed to bring us closer to God, and to mold us into Christ-likeness. As Christians, this should be our ultimate desire.” – Excerpt from Joy Comes with the Mourning by Holly M. Besser

What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. James 4:14b

For he will not much remember the days of his life because God keeps him occupied with joy in his heart. Ecclesiastes 5:20

Do not be grieved, for the joy of the Lord is your strength. Nehemiah 8:10b

  1. Peace comes from trusting in the sovereignty of God. Believing that God is in ultimate control can be your bondage or your freedom. You can be angry that He has the final say, or you can rest in the fact that He not only knows the beginning from the end, but He exists in both. He is in your past, your present, and already in your future. Time is not a limitation for the God of the universe. He has it all figured out, and He has it all in His hands. We can find peace in knowing that He will make all things right in the end.

I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world. John 16:33

And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. 1 Peter 5:10

Tears. Even our tears are a gift from God. I discovered some amazing facts about tears. All tears are not the same. There are three kinds of tears: basal – regularly lubricate our eyes, reflex – the kind you get from chopping onions, and psychic – triggered by emotions. Each one contains unique molecules. Emotional tears even contain leucine enkephalin, which is a natural painkiller. Not only that, each one looks distinctive as well, just like snowflakes! Trust your life to the God of tears. He has it all under control.

Tears from cutting onions

tears5

Tears of grief

tears4

Basal tears

tears3

Tears of change

tears2

Tears from laughing

tears1

Psalm 116:1-8

I love the Lord, because he has heard my voice and my pleas for mercy. Because he inclined his ear to me, therefore I will call on him as long as I live. The snares of death encompassed me; the pangs of Sheol laid hold on me; I suffered distress and anguish. Then I called on the name of the Lord: “O Lord, I pray, deliver my soul!” Gracious is the Lord, and righteous; our God is merciful. The Lord preserves the simple; when I was brought low, he saved me. Return, O my soul, to your rest;     for the Lord has dealt bountifully with you. For you have delivered my soul from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling.

Original material by Holly M Besser. Perfect Joy Ministries ©2015. May not be used or re-printed without permission. Bsbp51p10-13-2015sp (Originally written for Life Factors Ministries with Sean Teis, lifefactorsministries.org)

I Am Mom

But let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.

1 Peter 3:4

 

Even as young girls, we dreamed of a time when someone would call us “Mom.” As we entered our adult years, most of us found that this was still a dream. Various circumstances kept us from seeing this dream fulfilled. We anxiously awaited a day when “the stars would align” and we would finally become this unachievable individual.

And then, one day, after many tears, many heartbreaks, and many losses, we are Mom. This tiny being stares at us with huge eyes and climbs right into our heart. The world is finally just as it should be…or is it?

And then, reality. sets. in.

Somehow, all the years of aching and longing did not prepare us for the fact that being a Mom isn’t easy. It doesn’t just come naturally. It’s not a “walk in the park.” Being a mom is hard, really hard. Sometimes, it just plain stinks. And more often than not, we fail.

I prayed for seven years for my children. I cried and begged God for a baby. And then, I worked another six years to get three of them. I gave back four more. Seven pregnancies in six years. No pain, no gain, right? I just figured that being a Mom would be a joy – all the time. Not. I don’t cherish every single minute and sometimes, I even wonder what I was thinking.

My point?

I think that all moms struggle with feeling inadequate and insufficient. However, when you spend a good portion of your life yearning for something, you feel pretty guilty when you get it and then don’t always appreciate it, or when you feel that you have failed at making it successful.

  1. Here are a few truths to remember: God placed those children in your care for a reason. There is something that only you can teach them to prepare them for their future. Even your flaws will teach things that they need to make them into the adults that God wants them to be. Your handicaps and your inadequacies will give them compassion and understanding that they wouldn’t otherwise learn.

    Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee. Jeremiah 1:5a

    According as he hath chosen us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before him in love. Ephesians 1:4

    And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; And patience, experience; and experience, hope. Romans 5:3-4

    2. You are the only biological mom they will ever have, so you are the best one they could have. If you are the only one, it just stands to reason that you are the best. Stop comparing yourself to your children’s other mothers, who don’t exist, and don’t compare yourself to other children’s mothers either. You can only see their “outsides.” You have no idea what they might be dealing with on the “inside.” God sees your heart. He knows your struggles and your shortcomings. Look to Him to help you work on these areas.

    Not that we dare to classify or compare ourselves with some of those who are commending themselves. But when they measure themselves by one another and compare themselves with one another, they are without understanding. 2 Corinthians 10:12

    For he knows the secrets of the heart. Psalm 44:2b

    Do not judge by appearances, but judge with right judgment. John 7:24

    Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! Psalm 139:23

    And he said to them, “You are those who justify yourselves before men, but God knows your hearts. For what is exalted among men is an abomination in the sight of God. Luke 16:15

    If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. James 1:5

    3. God will fill in the voids where you lack. You are human. God knows that we are not perfect. He doesn’t ask you to be perfect. He asks you to point your children to Him. You shouldn’t be their final role model anyhow. They should be looking to Christ to find fulfillment and satisfaction.

    Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. Hebrews 12:1-2

    Only take care, and keep your soul diligently, lest you forget the things that your eyes have seen, and lest they depart from your heart all the days of your life. Make them known to your children and your children’s children. Deuteronomy 4:9

    You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. Deuteronomy 6:5-6

    4. Being a mom is a role that you fill, not your identity. You may fail at times, but it doesn’t mean that you are a failure. It means that you are learning. We are all learning. You won’t stop learning until you leave this life. Take those mistakes as opportunities to share humility, repentance, and forgiveness with your children. They need to learn it too.

    For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust. Psalm 103:14

    Have mercy on me, O God, according to your steadfast love; according to your abundant mercy blot out my transgressions. Psalm 51:1

    Mercy triumphs over judgment. James 2:13b

    5. Be the best woman that you can be. (Proverbs 31) That is all that you must do. Look at Scripture and see what is required of a mother. I know that I spent years being guilty because I didn’t constantly want to play with my children. Low and behold, I learned that I wasn’t called to be their entertainer! What a relief! Also, Don’t spend time worrying about what others say or think. It truly doesn’t matter. You don’t answer to them. You only answer to God for how you care for your children.

    For whenever our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and he knows everything. 1 John 3:20

    Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men. Colossians 3:23

    6. God will help you every. step. of. the. way. Just be YOU!

    My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Psalm 73:26       

    Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. Hebrews 4:16

    Original material by Holly M Besser. Perfect Joy Ministries ©2015. May not be used or re-printed without permission. bsbp50p09-30-2015

“I’m good. How are you?”

Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.

Galatians 6:2

This is the typical response, when asked how we are doing. We may have had the worst day ever, just finished a huge fight with our spouse, and had a fender-bender, but the minute another person asks how we are doing, we quickly respond with that expected response – “I’m good. How are you?”

How many times in a day do we pass someone and say, “How are you?” We don’t really expect them to tell us. It’s really more of a formality. How sad is that? How sad that we are too busy, too selfish, or too occupied to really find out how another human being is doing.

Why? I think there are several reasons for this. We don’t want to be rejected, laughed at, or be thought of as a complainer. We don’t want to be vulnerable. We don’t want someone to see our weaknesses. On the flip side, we don’t want to take the time to listen to someone else’s problems. We have enough of our own. If we find out that someone has a need, we might just feel like we need to meet that need. That takes empathy. Empathy takes work.

In the past few months, I have tried something new. I have tried to take that extra five minutes to really ask someone how they are doing. Usually that means repeating the question twice, so that they know that I really want to know the answer. It means looking them in the eyes, and maybe reaching out to touch them. It means being present in the moment. I can’t do this all the time, but I’m trying to do it more. You know what I found out? It’s worth it! It takes the focus off of myself and my problems, and allows me to minister to the heart of another. Sometimes, it allows me to stop right there and pray for them. Don’t just say that you will pray for them. Take 30 seconds and do it! What a huge blessing – for them and for me.

I bring up this topic, because I know that so many are hurting. You see the world through the filter of grief and heartache. I’m challenging you to stop and to take a minute to remove your self-focused glasses, and to see the struggles of those around you. This world is so much bigger than our current circumstances. Take a minute or five and next time you ask someone how they are doing, dig deeper and find out the real answer.

Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.

Galatians 6:2

Original material by Holly M. Besser, ©2015.  May not be used or re-printed without permission.  bp6808-19-15

Does He Really Understand?

For we do not have a high priest [Jesus] who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Hebrews 4:15

How many of you have read this verse or had it quoted to you in the midst of a struggle, just to wonder how it could truly be possible that Jesus could fathom what we have to go through? I don’t know about you, but I tend to add the fact that He had supernatural strength into the mix, and it just doesn’t seem like it really adds up. I absolutely believe that Jesus went through hell on this earth to provide a way for us to have a relationship with God. I know that He cares about me and everything that I go through. However, sometimes, it’s hard to fathom that He can really understand what it feels like to relate with my spouse and children. It’s hard to believe that He knows what I feel like as I live with chronic pain, struggles with medications, and so many other day to day things that we just don’t see in black in white in the Bible. It also seems that being the Son of God would give Him the upper hand in dealing with these temptations.

As I pondered on it this past week, I think I might have figured out my real problem. We have all heard this verse in context, but we aren’t usually presented with it in that way, when we need it. Check out the rest of the passage:

Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. (vs.16)

The focus is not on the trial, struggle, or temptation. The focus is on how we are to handle it. Jesus may never have had the exact same temptation, but everything we deal with can be summed up in the same human weaknesses. We all struggle with the temptation to give in to fear, anger, pride, jealousy, resentment, bitterness, etc. Jesus was tested in all of these areas too. Satan tried to get Jesus to give in to His current weaknesses, whenever he tempted Him.

Matthew 4

Then Jesus was led up by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. And after fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry. And the tempter came and said to him, “If you are the Son of God, command these stones to become loaves of bread.” But he answered, “It is written,

“‘Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.’”

Then the devil took him to the holy city and set him on the pinnacle of the temple and said to him, “If you are the Son of God, throw yourself down, for it is written,

“‘He will command his angels concerning you,’ and “‘On their hands they will bear you up, lest you strike your foot against a stone.’”

Jesus said to him, “Again it is written, ‘You shall not put the Lord your God to the test.’” Again, the devil took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their glory. And he said to him, “All these I will give you, if you will fall down and worship me.” 10 Then Jesus said to him, “Be gone, Satan! For it is written,

“‘You shall worship the Lord your God and him only shall you serve.’”

11 Then the devil left him, and behold, angels came and were ministering to him.

Jesus has been there. He has been tempted to give into every weakness that we have. The answer is in the way that He handled it. What did He do? He went straight to the truth in order to “receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.”

We don’t struggle because we are facing something brand new to human kind.

We struggle because we don’t have the confidence to approach the throne of grace! The answers, the help, the solutions are there. We just have to accept them as a gift from God.

There is the old hymn that says it perfectly:

What a Friend we have in Jesus,

All our sins and griefs to bear!

What a privilege to carry

Everything to God in prayer!

***O what peace we often forfeit,

O what needless pain we bear,

All because we do not carry

Everything to God in prayer!***

Have we trials and temptations?

Is there trouble anywhere?

We should never be discouraged,

Take it to the Lord in prayer.

Can we find a friend so faithful

Who will all our sorrows share?

Jesus knows our every weakness,

Take it to the Lord in prayer.

 

Are we weak and heavy-laden,

Cumbered with a load of care?

Precious Savior, still our refuge—

Take it to the Lord in prayer;

Do thy friends despise, forsake thee?

Take it to the Lord in prayer;

In His arms He’ll take and shield thee,

Thou wilt find a solace there.

 

Don’t carry that pain needlessly anymore. Don’t struggle with that temptation over and over. Don’t miss out on the true and lasting peace that God wants for us in this life. Take the upper hand that Jesus had on earth. Seek God’s truth, seek His face, and live victoriously!

Original material by Holly M. Besser, ©2015. May not be used or re-printed without permission. bp6606-12-15

 

A Mother’s Day Letter

I want to write this letter to share my heart with you. I want to let you know that you are not alone. I want you to know that your struggle, as hard as it may be, is not unbearable – it is not impossible to navigate – not impossible to endure. I want you to know that your trial can be accompanied by joy, and even thanksgiving. I want you to know that God is already in your future. He has the perfect story written for your life. All you need to do is trust – trust His sovereignty and His love.

Dear Mommy,

Mother’s Day is upon us once again. What emotions this day invokes – sadness, fear, disappointment, heartache, and even anger. It also conveys feelings of joy, thanksgiving, excitement, and acceptance.

I remember the seven long years of wishing, waiting, and dreaming of having a child – so many tears. I begged God, daily, for a baby. I remember how I felt the first time a doctor told me that I could never get pregnant. I remember how I felt after the 20th doctor told me that I couldn’t get pregnant. Oh, the discussions that I had with God! I remember the two weeks in constant and fervent prayer, asking for answers and for peace. Then, it came – total and utter surrender, complete abandon to the will and the sovereignty of God. I’m not saying it came easy. It hurt – a lot. It felt like my heart was ripped from my body. Everything that I had always wanted was gone…gone, just gone.

Then, I remember the feeling of hope being rekindled, as yet another doctor dared to dream my dream. She opposed the former opinions and gave me the courage to begin dreaming again. I remember the feelings of excitement and delight, when I saw two pink lines – the joy of telling family and friends. The morning sickness didn’t bother me one bit…I was too thrilled!

I remember taking my son home. I remember the fears – SIDS, germs, and jaundice. There were the terrible emotions that came with my post-partum depression. I had wanted this baby so badly, and now, I just wanted to give him back! I remember crying with him every night. I remember screaming out to God for deliverance. I remember the frustration, the anger, the sadness, the guilt and regret…and of course, more fear.

Then, I remember the emotions that came as the medications finally began working – the clarity and the peace. The awe and wonder that comes with watching your first child takes steps, starts talking, and all the other things that merit our amazement as they grow.

I remember seeing those two pink lines for the second time. What joy! However, the feelings of elation where soon replaced with sorrow, when I miscarried a week later. Another pregnancy was detected a month later, and hope and anticipation returned. 10 weeks later, an ultrasound quickly crushed my positivity along with my dreams for a baby to hold. Confusion, grief, and despair consumed my heart.

A third positive pregnancy test a month later was the beginning of a whole new set of emotions that I never would have associated with having a child. Pregnancy would never be the same again.

Being a mom is hard work, but becoming a mom proved to be even harder. I know the emotional roller coaster ride that wanting a child can be. I felt every sentiment possible during the seven years that I had my seven children (3 earth-side and 4 in heaven). It seemed that each Mother’s Day was different. I was always in a different situation. However, I did realize that I was always disappointed in the day, no matter what. So, I finally did some soul-searching and discovered the issue. Last year, I posted a blog: https://perfectjoyministries.wordpress.com/2014/05/10/happy-mothers-day-2/, which gives you some great pointers for preparing for Mother’s Day. I hope you will take a moment to read it. I think it may give you a whole new perspective this year.

In closing, I want you to know that you are not alone. Whether you are dealing with infertility, struggling with multiple losses, trying to adopt, or a combination of the above, there are other Mommies who are in similar shoes. We are all the same, really. We are women with a desire and a reality that don’t match. Our hearts are big and our arms are not full. Our plans have been thwarted and our path has been re-routed.

However, the miracle of it all comes in the ironic form of a baby. Jesus came to earth, born to a mother, just like one of us. She faced the same emotions that we do. Her Son belonged to God, just like our children do. She had to choose to trust and obey, just as we do. In the end, Jesus was the answer. He is our hope. He is our peace. He is our joy. Mother’s Day isn’t just about having a child in your arms. It is about giving thanks to the one Who makes it all possible…in His time.

With all my love,

Holly

Original material by Holly M. Besser, ©2015. May not be used or re-printed without permission. bp6705-08-15